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January 2005

In this post, I am going to briefly review the course of events from January 2005 - August 2011.  This was prior to Jean entering assisted living.

From the beginning of our relationship in 2004, Jean was  very involved in our life.  She was always a very controlling woman, especially over Charles, her only son.   A lot of you don’t know this but Charles suffers from an auto immune disorder and he has been on disability since 1999.  

In 2005 Charles and I decided to move in together and we rented the home we currently live in.  After a year, we all talked about the possibility of us buying a home in the North Raleigh area.  Jean wanted to make sure that Charles always had a home to live in.    After looking at several homes, we approached the owner of the home we were renting and it closed in July 2006.  Jean has a revocable living trust, and the home was put into the trust.  In part, this was what Jean thought was best to do to protect Charles, but also a way to control him.  

Initially, I drew up a lease agreement, for Charles and I to pay the monthly mortgage and associated fees.   Jean didn’t feel that was necessary.  Some months she would pay the mortgage and some months we would pay it, it was never an issue.  Same with renovations, Jean paid for new gutter guards on the house and countertops and Charles and I paid for blinds, appliances, etc.  We paid all utilities, minor repairs, HOA dues, etc. 

Around the time we got married in 2008, we could see a slight decline in Jean’s mental capacity.  She would forget when she ordered things, directions etc.  We started monitoring her driving, making sure she was safe at home.  We either called or saw her everyday.  We started looking at assisted living facilities because even though her memory had declined, she was always a fairly active person and we all thought it would be beneficial for her to be in a living environment where she would be around people and we knew she would be safe.  

In 2010 the three of us sat down with her financial advisors and attorney and amended her trust dated back to 1999.  The amended trust appointed Charles as Trustee of her estate, also her Financial and Health Guardian. I would serve as backup if Charles wasn’t able to.  Again, this was setup on a Revocable Living Trust, which was very common back then.  Charles is also her only heir, and upon her death is the beneficiary of her Estate. 

Not to make you think I’m sugar coating this and saying that we were one big happy family.  Jean was very controlling and suffered from obsessive compulsive behavior.  She was in therapy for most of her life, and honestly, sometimes she made our lives a living hell, but she would have never wanted to see her son facing the situation we are in now. 

In my next blog, I’ll cover the years of Jean’s residence in the various assisted living facilities. Thank you for reading and please keep us in your thoughts. 

Charles and Susan Murray 







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