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The Assisted Living Years 2011 - 2021

About six - eight months prior to Jean going into assisted living, we started to see a  decline in her mental capacity.  We had hired aids that were with her three to four days a week and she continued to live at home until it was clearly unsafe for her to be alone.  Jean moved into assisted living in August 2011.   In a ten year period, Jean was in four different assisted living facilities.  Two in Raleigh, one in Lilington and one in Wendell.  For the first move,    Jean wanted a private apartment, and even though she had long term care, it did not last long as we were paying over $8,000.00 per month.  In addition we still paid for private care for the first year, along with medications, personal care, etc. The money she received in Social Security and Retirement were used to pay these costs.  Eventually, we had Jean move in with a roommate,  and the expense was slightly lower.  This was about the same time that Jean started getting aggressive, with staff and fellow patients at the facility.  She would verbally attack them and on a few occasions pushed people and was physical.  Eventually, we moved Jean to a different facility in Raleigh where she once again had her own room.  The cost was about $6,000.00 per month.  You also have to remember that each of these facilities require a down payment and you have associated moving costs also.  Her monthly income didn’t cover the costs so we sold family land and property to pay the costs.  As Jean continued to decline after about six months she was no longer able to stay in a room by herself, so she was moved to the Memory Ward.  I can only describe this as a scene you would see in an asylum.  We learned very quickly, that non of these assisted living facilities live up to the pomp and circumstances they try to convey when you are looking at them.  I have hundreds of emails from the different facilities over the years describing problems that we had with her care.  After Jean was in a fight with a resident that was going through her things in her room, we were told she had to leave as fighting was zero tolerance and they found a facility in Lilington for her to move to.  Once again she was in a private room, but continued to have problems with her aggressive behavior.  By this time, we had sold all the assets except for the home we live in that was in the trust.  Some of you might say well you should of sold the house, but we had been paying the mortgage, HOA, and all related expenses at this point so we had and still do not have any rental history or equity as this was all in Jean’s name.  Plus, Jean made it very clear when the house was bought that it was for Charles to live in.   As she continued to live in Lilington her aggressive behavior got worse and the living conditions were horrible.  Several times we would find Jean lying in her own urine and feces and not bathed.    Her mattress was stained and soiled, dirty laundry, dirty room and bathroom.  We knew it was just a matter of time before she would be asked to leave and couldn’t stand for her to live in those conditions so we moved her to a facility in Wendell.  Jean lived in the Wendell facility until January 2021 when she broke her hip and caught COVID and upon her discharge was moved to a skilled nursing facility in Garner.    

Since Jean received too much money in SS and Retirement she did not qualify for Medicaid since these were all Assisted Living Facilities.  So for 10 years minus the long term care all expenses were paid by the family.  

Heartbreaking doesn’t describe what it is like to see someone suffer from Alzheimer’s.  When Jean was in Raleigh, we saw her almost every day, took her out for meals, day trips and even to the beach for a vacation.  It finally got to the point where she couldn’t go out and we could only visit her at the facility and now she doesn’t even know who we are.   We did everything we could to give Jean the best quality of life we could, the emotional and financial stress has taken a toll on us, but isn’t that what you do for your family?  To think that we are now facing eviction from our home by an appointed Trustee that doesn’t even know Jean is not something we ever imagined.  

The next post will be from the time she moved into the nursing facility and how we got Blindsided by the system.  

Thank you for following and please keep us in your thoughts.   









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February 2023 - May 2023

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January 2021 - December 2022

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Where We Are Today

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